August 23, 2008

Just a few days ago, I got an email that defined bittersweet. Dotes, you see, was adopted. His biological father had never seen him before he was killed in the submarine Seawolf in WWII. Dotes and I had both tried to find his biological family, but we sucked at genealogy and never did. The email was from his first cousin. Turns out there was a large family who’d always missed him. It would have pleased him so much to learn about his father, although his adopted father was wonderful. I’ve corresponded with his cousin and it’s been fascinating. Seems there’s a nephew out there who looks very much like Dotes. Here’s a picture of his father, circa 1944, when he was 27. He had been awarded the Purple Heart, the Silver Star, Bronze Star and Navy Medal. His family was going to give the medals to Dotes. I know he would have been honored.

August 4, 2008

Here’s the hard part about journaling and being a professional writer: It’s so very easy to hide behind the words. I’m in grief counseling, which is a good thing, and I’ve been asked to journal about what’s happening in my brain. I’m swimming in murky, sad waters, and I do believe writing it down can be very helpful. Only I keep writing pretty words. Big words. Trying to get it just right. When I do get over myself, finally, and get to the raw parts, I’m only there for a minute, a few lines, then the wall comes back and I’m all about the writing instead of the emotion. I’ve tried listening to music. Writing at different times. Closing my eyes as I write on unlined paper. So far, not much luck. I suppose the only thing to do is to keep on doing it. Maybe I’ll shut up long enough to really say something - eventually.

July 28, 2008

Interesting (to me) bit of info on how women’s minds differ from men’s regarding sexual responses:

I’ve been fascinated by the slash fiction phenomena ever since I heard about the original zines featuring Spock/Kirk, before the interwebs became a giant scary super-scifi octopus with tentacles in every nook and cranny on earth. The thing I found most puzzling was that these m/m fictions were written primarily by women for women. I was even more surprised that I very much liked reading some - only two pairings ever got my panties in a bunch, but I seem to be conservative in slash circles. Now, Scientific American has reported some findings that may inform the discussion.

“The results, the researchers say, suggest that women are not only aroused by a variety of types of sexual imagery but are more flexible than men in their sexual interests and preferences.”

Women’s brains FTW!

But, the article infers that women need context for sexual satisfaction. Although women are aroused by visual stimulation, they want the romance, too. They are wired for romance novels that end with a woman who has found safety and bonding with her mate. And mostly, in slash, I’ve seen the most overall reader satisfaction from scenarios that also end with a safe bonding. The biological imperative: let me show u it. :)

As you can probably tell, I’m doing a considerable amount of research concerning the brain and sex, the brain before during and after intercourse, and also really hot slash. I’m also attempting to write the actual book, which is moving along at the same rate as the tectonic plates. I’m also a bit jealous of all the SF bound, but in truth, I’m incredibly not okay enough to go to National. Or to go much of anywhere. Especially because Wednesday is our anniversary. Shit.

July 16, 2008

July 14, 2008

I’m coming back to the world, slowly. This has been the hardest month of my life, but with so much support from real life friends and family to online friends from the writing community that I’m still relatively sane. Thank you again, all of you who’ve reached out. Odd things have happened, things that I never would have guessed that got me through. Mostly, I was searching for ways to disappear, to escape.

I ended up watching DVDs of Criminal Minds over and over again. (I told you - odd). For some reason, I could let go of everything while watching. I read, lots, but mostly fan fiction. Yeah, go figure. I had to go to the dentist last Wednesday, and I inexplicably fell apart there (embarrassing as hell) and went into a nose dive that lasted until yesterday. My friend Debbi finally yanked me from the house and we went to the movies. Saw WANTED, which was a huge disappointment to me. But getting out was good. As was the popcorn.

So today I’m going to write again. As you can imagine I’m very disassociated from the book, and I have to reacquaint myself with the characters and the world I’m writing about. Go me. And weirdly, my heroine’s name is Vivianne, a name that was questioned by friends and editor as being a bit old-fashioned and weird. Now that the Jolie-Pitt’s have named their new daughter Vivianne, I’m thinking it won’t be so weird any more. (Another weird moment - headline: Jolie gives birth to twins. Um, no. Not this Jolie at least. I prefer: Jolie voted best breasts in Hollywood. Ha!

I know there’s still more adjusting and grieving ahead, but I don’t feel as though I’m drowning today. It’s a good thing. One step forward. :)

June 30, 2008

So many people have posted, emailed, called to share their messages of sympathy. I’ve not managed to answer many. I’m still perplexed by how the world continues turning and life goes on as usual when something so vital is missing. I’m assured things will shift and change and that the acute pain will lessen. Just know the messages have been received and each one has helped. I’ve been moved and awed by the generosity and kindness of my friends and acquaintances. My deepest thanks.

June 14, 2008

June 5, 2008

Damn. Southern Utah. June 5th. Giant snow fall that toppled trees and wiped out my herb garden. Tomatoes are toast. Tree limbs cracked and fallen. Luckily, no damage to the house or the car. But damn.

Also - new anthology is now available. It’s called DESTINATION: MARRIAGE and it’s with Jill Marie Landis and Jackie Braun. My story takes place at Hush!

May 27, 2008

I’m really sad about Sydney Pollack. His movies, whether he directed or acted in them, were meaningful to me. I can’t remember the show at the moment, but he did a discourse on story structure that truly expanded my view of what makes a story great. It’s hard to realize there won’t be any more contributions from this gifted man.

May 18, 2008